so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
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There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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