Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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