dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
