He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
