I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
