i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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