After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
the liver wants what the liver wants
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
