my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
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Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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