mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
