You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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