Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
