if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
