whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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