my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
