is your mom at the bar?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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