On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
