Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
