I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.