Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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