before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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