weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
