literally had 100 drinks last night.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
