Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize