Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
ttyl tear gas
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
