My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
