Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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