She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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