I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
