Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
