either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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