kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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