I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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