sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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