Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
