Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
