Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
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think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
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In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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