It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
