You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
