I can tuck mytits in my pants
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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