if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
