I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
