I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
