i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
