before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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