Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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