i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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