oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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