I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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