So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
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