just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Bring me that man meat
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
