he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
