If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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