we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
