chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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