Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
