In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
