How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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