I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
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No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
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My day in three words: secret purse cake
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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