This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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