i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
