I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
