I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Randomize
