every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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