so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
