i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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