My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
