my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
