i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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