i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Is it because I queefed?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
